Music Conspiracies That Will Have You Shook

Music Conspiracies That Will Have You Shook

Conspiracy theories have become a sort of contemporary folklore in the absence of the oral tradition that we abandoned with the advent of cell phones, Google, and instant, factual knowledge. While many conspiracies are easily debunked some can still make you question everything you’ve ever known.

The music industry, in particular, is rife with sudden deaths and sketchy explanations and is shrouded in mystery from much of the general public. Unless you’ve personally seen behind the curtain of the music business, it can be easy to believe all the crazy stories of secret societies, faked deaths, unpunished murders, and fraud-for-fame.

With that in mind, take it from someone who’s seen behind the curtain, these six conspiracies still keep me up at night. I hope you’re not reading this before you go to bed because you’re about to be fucking WOKE.

Note: For the sake of brevity, I'll hit the high-points of each theory, and provide links to videos, articles, and other things to help you in the pursuit of truth.

Photo Courtesy of Buzzfeed

6. Justin Bieber is a Reptile/Lizard Person

Nobody is perfect, not even the Biebs. Earlier this month, reports surfaced that several fans in Perth, Australia saw the 23-year-old pop superstar sporting an interesting outfit of “gross, coloured scales.”

This is not the first time Bieber has slipped up and revealed his reptilian form. There is a video examining the way that his eyes change entirely during a court date in 2014 that sparked my own interest in this startling revelation. Check it out and give me an explanation other than “contacts.”

Image Courtesy of Popdust

Image Courtesy of Popdust

5. Beyoncé is the Illuminati Queen

Sticking with the theme of pop icons that aren’t at all what they seem to be, power couple Beyoncé and Jay-Z, America’s real First Family, may actually be the Illuminati’s First Family. Much has been circulated about Queen Bey’s alleged involvement with the secret society, but here is what we know.

Beyoncé’s rapid rise to success is said to have been engineered by the Illuminati. Additionally, her splitting off from Destiny’s Child to further pursue acting and solo pursuits came just a couple of months after the death of alleged Illuminati queen-in-training Aaliyah. There are rumors that Jay-Z had been eyeing Aaliyah before her death, and that his choosing of Beyoncé had more to do with business than with love. It would seem that, as a result of Aaliyah’s wanting to leave the group, that the Illuminati engineered a situation that caused Beyoncé to take over as the queen of pop. (For a complete list of conspiracies involving Bey and her family click here)

4. The 27 Club 

One of the most popular music-based conspiracies is the infamous “27 Club.” With high-profile members like Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Robert Johnson, Jim Morrison, and Kurt Cobain, it’s no surprise that this club has gained worldwide notoriety. The theory is this: the best and the brightest burn out too fast, typically at 27-years-old. The causes of death are varied, from Robert Johnson being poisoned to Kurt Cobain being killed by Courtney Love (who says we can’t have two conspiracies in one?), but the age remains the same.

27club.jpg

While statistical analysis may prove that musicians do not die more often at 27, the fact is that most musicians are simply not Jimi Hendrix or Robert Johnson. Using the lives of normal musicians will never be able to account for the variable that is a once-in-a-lifetime talent marked for doom. This phenomenon has more recently claimed the blossoming careers of Amy Winehouse and Anton Yelchin. The only real question to be asked here is “Who’s next?”

3. Paul McCartney has been Dead for 50 Years.

The Beatles bassist and multi-instrumentalist is not actually Paul McCartney. He is a man named Billy Shears that turned a tragedy into the second most successful cover-up in music history. Paul died in his car in 1966. Following this, the Beatles made an undercover switch, but still made veiled references to the act in later releases.

Among the most notable and famous are the droning lines at the end of “Strawberry Fields Forever” that subtly say, “I buried Paul.” In addition, a reverse listening of their song “I’m So Tired” reveals the lines, “Paul is dead, man. Miss him, miss him.” Further, a bass-shaped floral arrangement on the cover of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and a slew of images on the front and back covers of the famed Abbey Road album hammer home a regrettable truth: Paul is dead, man. And I miss him, miss him.

2. Tupac Shakur

Stand up if you’ve heard this one before: “Tupac is still alive.” Now, sit back down cause you haven’t heard anything yet. Time to stop wondering what the most successful cover-up in music history was. Tupac’s “death” could be (and probably is) the basis of a million conspiracy videos and drunken debates. And, while wild speculation is always fun, some evidence need to be presented.

Photo Courtesy of AP Photo/Columbia Pictures

Machiavelli, an Italian author and philosopher from the 16th Century, is said to have written about the concept of faking one’s own death for personal gain. As an admirer of the Italian’s work, Tupac, roughly a year before his death, changed his stage name from “2pac” to “Makaveli." Further, in the music video for “Hail Mary” a tombstone with the name “Makaveli” is seen cracked in half, symbolizing that he is not really dead. The more one looks into the circumstances surrounding Pac’s death, the more one begins to question them.

The security detail trailing Tupac and Suge Knight as they were driving through Las Vegas suspiciously allowed a car in between them. The autopsy photo (that has been claimed to not have even been part of the official police report) is iffy at best, with no view of the face, no clear way to tell if the wounds are accurate to the alleged murder, and tattoos missing. I could go on, but you get the point. Tupac Amaru Shakur is currently living at Thug’s Mansion in Cuba and ghost-writing for a rapper named Kasinova Tha Don.

1. Stevie Wonder Isn’t Blind

You may be wondering why this one is number one. There were so many well-known, deadly, and fiercely-contested conspiracy theories throughout the music industry, why settle for something as tame as someone faking blindness? Because it’s fucking true, that’s why. Of all of these theories, none is more convincing and potentially earth-shattering than the revelation that Stevie Wonder can see just fine.

Photo Courtesy of SaintHeron.com

Truly, I only need one piece of evidence. This video that shows a supposedly blind man somehow seeing and catching a falling mic stand using his peripheral vision. Not his peripheral hearing. Detractors may say “he heard it falling,” but if you’ve ever been on stage with three or four other people, then you realize how absolutely loud everything and everyone is. Now imagine that with 8-10+ plus the crowd all loudly belting “Hey, Jude.” It would be impossible for anyone to hear that, let alone perfectly catch it unless they could see it.

In addition to this damning piece of evidence, the singer himself stated in an interview with TMZ that “This year, I will reveal the truth” in response to a question about his eyesight. Whether this is tongue-in-cheek humor or a legitimate announcement for a potential show-stopping revelation, the world will be waiting in suspense to find out. (Here is a good article that sums it all up)

Finally, we know that the singer was not born blind, but developed blindness as a young child. With this in mind, combined with the massive amount of income he has accrued over the years, it is completely feasible that he was able to afford treatment for his condition. However, making a name for yourself as a blind singer and piano player lends itself to extreme pressure to keep the status quo. If Stevie is covering up his eyesight, I believe it’s out of dedication to those who see him as an inspiration, and that’s okay with me.

Special thanks to Danica Albright and Trey Newman

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